Five Forms of Love
Love cannot be described, It must be tasted.
-Rumi
There are four Greek words for love that are important for us to understand so that we can feel into their different flows and to check that they are running, knowing they are simply different facets of the one diamond.
The Greek words for love are eros, agape, philia and storge. However, to complete our path, we also need to add the word rapture.
Finally, it is important to remember that this love is threefold in nature: love for self, other and God/dess.
Eros:
The Greek word for sexual love or passionate love is “eros,” which is the root of English words such as erotic and eroticism. When eros is used as a proper noun it refers to the Greek God of Love, who carries the same name.
Eros is based on strong feelings toward another. It usually occurs in the first stages of a romantic relationship. This love is based on physical traits and attractions, and can be based more on what benefits you rather than the other person. This is “I love you because it feels good and makes me happy loving you.” See? The key word is me. When in eros, we must become mindful of the change into another form, making sure that the aliveness and evolving nature of love transforms with us. The very essence of love is creative, unexpected and beautifully unpredictable.
However, bestselling author of spirituality and conscious relationships Marianne Williamson points out that within the initial first flush of romantic eros there is a confluence with the sacred known as the mystery of romance. In her blog she makes the following observation.
“The common wisdom goes like this: this myth of “some enchanted evening,” when all is awash with the thrill of connection and the aliveness of new romance, is actually a delusion...a hormonally manufactured lie. That soon enough, reality will set in and lovers will awaken from their mutual projections, discover the psychological work involved in two people trying to reach across the chasm of real life separateness, and come to terms at last with the mundane sorrows of human existence and intimate love...From a spiritual perspective, the original high of a romantic connection is thrilling because it is true...we are having what you might call a mini-enlightenment experience...our problem is that most of us rarely. Have a psychic container strong enough to stand the amount of light that pours into us when we have truly seen, if even for a moment, the deep beauty of another. The problem we have is not that in our romantic fervor we fall into a delusion of oneness; the problem is that we then fall into the delusion of separateness.”
Eros, then, can point us to the true reality, which can be sustained only by those willing to heal the blocks of the wounded personality.
JOURNALING INQUIRIES on Eros:
What reflections do you have on your own experience of Eros?
Have you been through cycles with Eros in your relationship? In the arc of your relationships across your lifetime?
What does it look and feel like to develop Eros for and within yourself? Is this something you have explored or are open to exploring now? What types of experiences would you create to feel fully into this type of love for self? What would need to be shed in order to do so?
In Marianne Williamson’s reflections, where do you see the delusions of romantic love in your own life or others in your life? What do those “delusions” reveal to you about the true nature of being in relationship?
What do you feel in your own being is true, at this stage in your personal evolution, from what the authors say above (from their own unique lens of perception)?
What beliefs do you hold around Eros: where and how it is appropriate, how you cultivate it, where it comes from, how you express it? Where do those beliefs come from?
What curiosities do you hold about Eros that you’d like to explore more?
And a bit from another author, Alana Fairchild on the Magnetism of Eros:
The Magnetism of Eros is our soul’s fascination with that which appears different and calls to us at a deep level. This soul-deep attraction inspires us to remain open, be passionate and willing to engage with life, other people and new, vitalizing pathways and practices that inspire us. Eros is a greek word for love. On a spiritual level, Eros is our passionate, open, engaged love for life. When we experience Eros, we are ready to embrace our journey. It is an affirmation of life itself.
Eros’ opposite/polarity is the destructive drive, known as Thanatos, which is the drive behind our undermining, self-defeating and self-harming behaviors. We may engage in such behaviors in an misguided attempt to heal ourselves or “make ourselves better.” When we act in this way, despite our best intentions, part of us is trying to tell a story that is yet to be fully heard. Until that story is heard, we cannot let it go. We get stuck in the Thanatos loop.
To resolve that Thanatos drive within us, and in our world, we need Eros. We need to embrace life, including our “negative” experiences. By acknowledging and healing our suffering, we can find the courage and wisdom to live life more fully. The challenge and gift of Eros leads us into our vulnerability. From there, we can also re-cognize our strength and dignity. We become able to let go and heal.
AGAPE
The Greek word that refers to the love of God is Agape. Agape is the very nature of God, for God is love, absolute divine love. The big key to understanding agape is to realize that it can be known through the very action it prompts. People today are accustomed to thinking of love as a feeling, but that is not necessarily the case with Agape. Agape is a form of love that flows because of what it does, what it attends to, and what it transforms, not because of how it feels.
Agape is an exercise of the will, a deliberate choice to align with love. I often use the words surrender to love to mean becoming a servant of love; this does not mean sitting in meditation, merely feeling the bliss waves of love. Rather, the impulse of agape is often found in action—in words and deeds of love. There is a joyful uprising of love, which wants only to give of itself, to pour out into the world its true and benevolent force. The feeling is one of joy helplessly overflowing combined with a delight in knowing that you have become bound to love by the relinquishing of your personal will to divine will.
JOURNALING INQUIRIES on Agape:
What reflections do you have on your own experience of Agape?
Can you recall a moment in your life when you felt the sensation of Agape? What sensations were present in your body? Can you call that feeling forward within your heart now?
What does it mean to you to surrender your personal will to divine will?
Are there particular ways you share your unique gifts that feel like this overflowing, outpouring of Agape?
Have you felt the experience of receiving from someone who is giving from this place of Agape love? What did you notice about the energetic, the experience and that being bringing forward the love of the Divine?
PHILIA
The third word for love in Greek is Philia, which means to have a special interest in someone or something, frequently with a focus on close association and affection for, like or consider someone a friend. Philia refers to a strong friendship, and in our modern vernacular the word has come to mean love. We say we love things that we strongly like: I love ice cream. I love the way your hair looks. The word philia implies a strong emotional connection, and thus is means the love, or deep friendship, between friends. There is a distinction here—you can agape your enemies, but you cannot philia them.
JOURNALING INQUIRIES on Philia:
What reflections do you have on your own experience of Philia?
Have you been through cycles with Philia in your relationships? In the arc of your
relationships across your lifetime?
What does it look and feel like to develop Philia for and within yourself? Is this something you have explored or are open to exploring now? What types of experiences would you create to feel fully into this type of love for self? What would need to be shed in order to do so?
What beliefs do you hold around Philia: where and how it is appropriate, how you cultivate it, where it comes from, how you express it? Where do those beliefs come from?
What curiosities do you hold about Philia that you’d like to explore more?
STORGE
The fourth word for love in Greek is Storge, which is the love and affection that naturally occurs between parents and children. This love can exist between siblings, and it exists between husbands and wives in some marriages. It is a form of brother-sister love, and it is crucial to reach this love before the sacred union process with another. We need to be able to feel the absolute trust and deep friendship that kind of bond creates for the process to deeply integrate.
Here is where we find the terms sister bride and brother groom. JOURNALING INQUIRIES on Storge:
What reflections do you have on your own experience of Storge?
What are your challenges and growth edges with Storge?
What does it look and feel like to develop Storge for and within yourself? Is this something you have explored or are open to exploring now? What types of experiences would you create to feel fully into this type of love for self? What would need to be shed in order to do so?
What beliefs do you hold around Storge: where and how it is appropriate, how you cultivate it, where it comes from, how you express it? Where do those beliefs come from?
What curiosities do you hold about Storge that you’d like to explore more?
RAPTURE
I wish to include the word rapture, which means the heightened state of being lifted up, almost transfigured, as Christ was in raising his light body. With the word rapture, there is a sense of teleportation and being uplifted into a devoted, ecstatic state.
This rapture is a form of love. I have only experienced this in profound states of God realization, unspeakable beauty, fathomless flows of love, immense gratitude, and overwhelming longing for something that you know you already have. It is so tangible; it can actually give the impression of hurting the body as its enormity of charge passes through the finite chamber of the human form. The transportation is toward the source of love—God, the Source, whatever you wish to call our Creator. When this happens, nothing else exists, nothing else matters. We become devoted, enraptured, and transported to a time and space way beyond our ordinary understanding.
JOURNALING INQUIRIES on Rapture:
What reflections do you have on your own experience of Rapture?
Have you experienced Rapture and how did it feel to you? Are there feelings that arise as you feel into this concept and is it something you’d like to experience (or experience again)?
What beliefs do you hold around Rapture: Where do those beliefs come from?
What curiosities do you hold about Rapture that you’d like to explore more?
These five distinct types of love are discovered within the wounds of love once we have worked through them.
They also relate to the five fundamental elements of humankind: betrayal conceals eros,
separation conceals agape, denial conceals philia, judgment conceals storge, and abandonment conceals rapture.
In essence, eros is sexual, agape is spiritual, philia is emotional, storge is physical and rapture is soulful.
Sense your affinity with each one of these forms of love across and within your daily life. Are there emotional or spiritual blocks that need to be cleared, contracts or vows that come forth as you feel into these forms of love, or that keep you from being fully open to them?
How do the harmonics of these forms of love (and others!) play through You in your unique expression, in relationships with others in your life, in relationship arcs and shifts...both within and with your sacred mirrors.
In the Goddess of Love, we have the opportunity to discover, clear and become ready to be open channels for all the forms, flavors and textures of love. Notice throughout this moon if there are other forms of love that you feel or discover, if there are words for love that appear from other cultures, lineages and experiences that call you forward to explore them more fully.
**Most of the text in this document is from Sacred Sexual Union: The Alchemy of Love, Power & Wisdom by Anaiya Sophia and the art is by Andrew Gonzales, which can be found in Alana Fairchild’s White Light Oracle**
